WEDDINGS AND MORE WEDDINGS

Today was busy at the marriage factory. I was handed a license before I even put my purse up. I think I married seven couples and took up a Spanish one to the marriage desk. Not real real busy, just nicely spaced.

Two stand out, dumb speed talker and malfunction.

I am going to ask the county to hang a sign for me: No thin white cotton outfits. Do these women have no mirrors? Do their friends not see what I see? Or do they think they look sexy and cute? I just know I am tired of knowing the bride does not have on a bra and is wearing a black thong. I am not really a prude, but come on. Nipples and thongs are just not what I want to look at.

Then we have the talker. Clerk C told me she couldn't get the bride L to shut up long enough to process their license. She said the bride told why she and the groom have the same name, yet weren't really married and on, and on, and on. I called their names and bride L began talking, in the elevator, while I asked questions, and into the ceremony. And then down the elevator and up to going out of the building. This woman can talk. I know way too much about her.

Their story: L and groom R were "married" 22 years ago on a ship by the captain. They were in South America and came back 3 years later to California. They called Alameda County to get a copy of the marriage certificate. Guess what, no record, it wasn't done in Alameda County. So they just ignore the problem for 19 more years. They have no proof they are married. They filed taxes as a married couple, had children, and went their merry way. For some reason they now decided maybe they should have a legal ceremony. So I married them.

She said this was just for California because some states recognized people who just lived together. I said yes a common law marriage. Then she said they were now legal in California, I said you are legal in the whole world. Oh??? But we were married in California. She wanted me to put the date of the ship board whatever on the license as the wedding date. I told her I didn't do that one 22 years ago, so couldn't change the date. I explained again, today's date 8/19/09 is her wedding date. She has to use today for legal purposes if asked for the date of her marriage. She still doesn't understand that one.